Over the past few weeks I have been really wrestling with the idea of surrender. The Lord has been working on my heart about surrendering all of me to His will and plan for my life. Overall, I thought I was doing a good job. I know I am not perfect, but then who is. I attend church regularly, tithe to church, serve at the church and my family lives a pretty simple life. I do not say these things to receive a pat on the back or to lift myself up, but rather merely for the sake of making a point. Then a few weeks back Heather and I started reading Francis Chan's 'Crazy Love' and doing the study that goes along with it. Suddenly, I realized not what I was doing but rather what I was not. I was convicted on several accounts. I started to realize that while I had surrendered many parts of my life to Christ, I had not surrendered those parts entirely to Him. And, like many, I have sections of my life I have failed to consider surrendering to Him at all.
As the weeks went on, I have continued to wrestle with areas of my life I am holding onto. Then this morning I was reading my daily email from Moody Publications (Today in the Word) and the tile was 'Jesus Sacrificed His Body'. The reading was from John 19:16-37. This is John's account of Jesus's crucifixion. Jesus was showing the ultimate model for sacrifice. He not only sacrificed all He had while He was alive but even till death on the cross. This landed on me like a ton of bricks (or at least like I imagine it would feel like). One area of my life that I am often reluctant to surrender is my dreams and goals (and the means to reach these). I so many times see what is needed in the world and decide how I could best be used. I look at my gifts, talents and desires, and think how I can serve God. Reading Crazy Love has challenged me to look at this differently. Rather than deciding what I WANT to do and asking for a blessing, I believe I need to grow closer to Christ and ask what HE WANTS me to do. I also need to have the faith that He knows best and will lead me to where I need to be. Sometimes he may even ask me to do what I DO NOT WANT to do for His cause. This is challenging for sure. I have this ability to convince myself that I have to have the plan figured out before I act. I believe that can limit God. Sometimes the Lord only reveals the next step, and even perhaps only enough of the next step to know we should take this step.
So in the next few weeks, I am aiming to trust the Lord more fully. It is my prayer that I can grow closer to him and learn to love Him more openly and freely. It is my prayer that He uses my family to do His will and further His kingdom, even if it is not what I want to do.
--Gary
I am thinking and praying for you Gary. I get in my own way too. When it comes right down to it, I am all too often selfish. I live in such a cocoon so much of the time. That's why trips like NC where we are dependent on God are so powerful.
ReplyDeleteKeep walking with the Lord and He will prove faithful despite our futile efforts to clean up right and present ourselves as pure before Him. As our pastor frequently says, there is nothing I can do for Him to love me anymore or anyless. He just wants my heart.